Raw and Real

Wowza....I am so glad to be writing again and just can't believe this little blog has suffered. It's a new beginning. I am one of those crazy people and my year starts when school does. I get Jan. 1 is the new year but not in my world. :)
This post will be raw and real...so if you don't wanna read it that's fine...but you have been warned.


Last year was ROUGH!! I decided to take on a second job (what!?) and my goal was to work this job this year and open a craft store. I wonder if God was laughing at me saying oh you silly little girl...that is not why I provided you this other gig...just wait and see.
I officially took over that job in December and it had nothing to do with teaching and I love it. Now, don't get me wrong there are very stressful times...like the next couple of months but overall I love it.
School was plugging away and I was getting use to my new grade. I like how the kids are bigger and can do more things. I LOVE my team. I even survived the three test we give...then my world came crashing down. I mean CRASHING.
See, my sweet mom got news we NEVER wanted to hear. Her back was hurting her extremely bad. She had taken a fall down the church stairs in December. She never went to the dr. so we all thought it was from the fall. She went in for an MRI and they said she had a broken back. DO WHAT!? It two her two weeks to even get into a back dr. TWO WEEKS PEOPLE. Then it took another week for her to get to the results. She is the strongest person I know. I'm pretty sure if I had a broken back I would have made my husband take me to the hospital and demand a bed!!!
She started loosing her walking ability and praise God her back dr. made her come in and have another MRI. The original plan was to get her a brace (which she hates) and it should heal. This was on Monday April 28th. On Tuesday they admitted her to the hospital for back surgery and we found out the news NOBODY ever wants to hear..she had cancer. The original spot started in the lungs and was 4 inches across.  At that time we knew it was stage 4 but didn't know the severity of it. She had her back surgery and was in the hospital for 15 days. Ok some of y'all might be like..big deal...this is a lady, who in my 31 year has gone to the dr. one time! This was devastating.  You know you have so many questions going through your mind, if she would have had a check up would she be ok, or was that cough really bronchitis? Just so many what ifs....
This time was a whirlwind. The thing that killed me the most was the way she found out she had cancer. I was there with her for a LONG time and we left her room at 9:30 that night. The oncologist came in about 25 min later and told her. She was ALL ALONE. This will be a memory I will never forget..I needed to be there, I needed to cry with her, I needed to process with her, but I wasn't.
When she was strong enough we finally went and had all the scans. The technical diagnosis is Stage 4 lung cancer with matastic bone and brain cancer. Yes, it's in her bone (the reason for her broken back) and in the brain. The funny thing in the cancer world is that you don't have time to think...you don't get to sit back and feel sorry for yourself. You just don't. The day we found this out we were whisked away to radiation because the brain was now top priority.
I had to take a leave of absence...it was so so hard. My team was wonderful. My campus showered us with love. My admin at my school showed me grace. I am still blown away.
She is still fighting for her life. She had radiation for the month of June and we have started chemo. She is scheduled for a scan next week because it has been 60 days since the last scan. We are praying for results, however we are realistic that things might not be better.
Through this whole deal I have never been mad at God. I have question timing but never mad.
I know this year will be tough. I am no longer able to take her to treatments.
As I look at my new year there are things I know I need to do differently. I know I am stronger than I thought. Now I do have days where I just want to run away to Mexico and read a book on a beach, but that will never happen. I can do a great job at being a wife, mom, caretaker, and a really good 4th grade teacher.
The thing I need to do most is show love and grace. I know roll your eyes but really this is what I need to do all that time even when I don't want to.
We have been studying 1 John for the past two months. This chapter has been so good for me.
Y'all we have to love each other. We need to show kindness and grace...I thought I was ok at this until I read this book. Boy was I wrong.
I looked at this chapter last night I was reading my thoughts I had written down ...here are a few that stand out
Darkness & Light can't hang out
When you love the world you are selfish
We need to love a joyful life
People who are loved, love
We have to love others
Guard your heart

So this new school year show love and grace to all...even when you don't wanna!!!

until next time....